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So, this week really started Thursday at the Stern show where Teddy and Artie had a big fight in the studio. When it was all said and done Artie said he resigned.

It broke my heart when I heard. Artie is a good man and a fun person to be around, one of the most talented people you will ever meet. I hope everything works out and that he’ll back on the show Monday when they come back from vacation.

Then I was off to the airport heading to Kalamazoo, Michigan for the weekend. (I shit you not - Kalamazoo.) Got to the airport early, I didn’t have my seat assignment yet but the flight attendant tells me it’s a window seat, only spot left on the plan. I was excited until I made my way down the aisle and saw not one but two of the fattest bitches I’ve ever seen. The nightmare from the week before has come back and doubled.

I’m standing there in disbelief and they’re staring up at me with this look in their eyes like I was a waiter holding a big, fat plate of pork in my hand. I sheepishly motioned that my seat was against the window. As these 2 humongous airbags tried to squeeze themselves out I knew I was in for another shitty flight. I knew better this time so I quickly got in my seat and grabbed the seat belt and buckled up before Betty and Crocker could sit back down.

After we all squeezed in I felt like I was in a barrel about to go over Niagra Falls. They were snacking on something in a bag the whole flight. I lost feeling in my legs somewhere over Ohio, the twinki twins could have chewed them off and I wouldn’t have even known. I don’t mean to come down of fat people so much but there are just so many of you. And I’m not talking to the folks who are sporting muffin tops or spare tires and I try to leave alone those poor bastards with slow metabolisms. But for Christ’s sake you obese fucking country, stop eating. Just stop.

(more…)

Last weekend the Killers of Comedy were off to Toronto, Canada.

We were there once before and it was great. 7 months later we made our trek back across the border once again. It was amazing how many fans recognized us at the airport there, I guess that’s what happens when you’re traveling with the Iron Sheik and Beetlejuice. It’s funny because the Iron Sheik always has trouble going across the border.

We got picked up at the airport and headed to our hotel which was a 5 star Sheraton, we were in line to check in and one of the guys that works there recognized the Sheik. He was from Iran, too and told the Sheik to check in at the VIP counter, so we all ran out of line and followed him. After getting Beet to his room and everyone settled in, we had to go to sound check at the Republic Nightclub.

I went downstairs and Beetle came walking over from the bar and I asked him if he had been drinking and he says, “Yeah, so what mother fucker? What’s your problem?”. I was like, Oh great, here we go, another weekend with a drunken, angry Beetlejuice. Then he asked me to come to the bar to meet his friend. So I went in there and said hello to the guy and his girlfriend and told Beet we had to leave and we went outside and then Beet got really mad at me. He said, “What the fuck is the matter with you? I’m trying to get you laid” I told him I don’t want to get laid and he said, “What’s your fucking problem?” so I told him I had a fiancee and even Sal even told him I had a fiancee and he says, “You’re an ungrateful prick” I guess I was pissing him off. Then Sal walked back into the hotel and left me out there to get verbally assaulted by someone the size of a fire hydrant.

So we finally got to the show and let me tell you, the fans in Toronto are some of the best fans we’ve ever been in front of. There are such true fans of the show, they listen to Howard Stern, Miserable Men and every show on Howard’s channels, they love it all. Hardcore fanage up North.

Later that night I went back to my room, and ended up breaking my front tooth AGAIN. I spent the night calling the bookers to find me a Dentist for the next morning, which they did and now I’m stuck with a Canadian tooth. I was walking to the elevator to go to the Dentist and I had a great idea. I called Shuli and asked him if he wanted to take a ride with me, but it didn’t work. Who the fuck would want to spend a Saturday sitting in a Dentist’s office while their friend had his tooth fixed? I thought maybe I would have caught him while he was stoned and he would want to go for a ride, but that wasn’t the case. Just like a pot head to be sober the one time you need him not to be.

Saturday night we had another great show, kicked some fucking ass and had to get up really early on Sunday to fly back to NYC, getting through customs is a real bitch so we had to leave extra early. Sal was bitching because there were only 2 people working at the American Airlines counter so he started yelling out in line, “Come on already!!” which is not a good thing to do when you’re trying to get through customs. So then he said he was going to try the self check in and we told him you couldn’t do that if you have bags to check in and he insisted that you could do it and drop your bags off after. We told him no way, but he insisted and then got out of line. Turns out we were right and then he had to get back into an even longer line to retrieve his baggage tags. We were laughing so hard at him, even Beetlejuice called him an idiot.

We finally got on the plane and headed home, only Sal loves to take a shit on a plane. It was an 18 row plane with one bathroom and Sal spent 25 minutes in the bathroom. I’m sure the next person to use it had a great story to tell over dinner that night. We got home and got to the city early and went to dinner, me and Beetlejuice had the T Bone steak and they gave him the bigger steak even though the fucker can’t chew with his two god damn teeth. Maybe when the rest of my teeth fall out I’ll get that kind of respect.

We got a lot of big shows coming up, check out RevBobLevy.com I’ll be on Howard Stern this week, so be sure to listen.

See you all next week.

-The Reverend Bob Levy

You can get more of the Rev Bob every Sunday night at 7:00 pm on his radio show Miserable Men, Sirius Satellite Radio - Howard 101.

So after breaking my tooth again, I had to get it fixed again. Still haven’t gotten the root canal, I’m going tomorrow morning finally. If you don’t know about the pain that comes from an exposed nerve in a tooth needing a root canal, try watching Caddyshack 2 for 24 hours straight and come back and talk to me about it.

Last weekend I did shows at my comedy club (Levy’s Comedy Club) with me, Shuli and Riley Martin. It was packed both nights. Riley told me he was going to be there at 4:00 but he didn’t get there until 7:30, he said he got lost and saw signs for Connecticut. I guess his spaceship doesn’t have GPS. Luckily he made it on time and we had a great show despite the fact Riley wasn’t feeling well.

He said he had food poisoning from KFC, what are the odds of that? The next morning we all breakfast, Riley was there and it seemed like since the bar was open he would have “food poisoning” all day long. Later that I afternoon I took a nap and woke up to find out Riley was still at the bar and his “food poisoning” had gotten worse, causing him to fall of the bar stool and then head butting someone. I was a little worried about the show so I drank a couple beers, which I haven’t done since October and I finally felt like a man again.

So after Shuli and I went up, Riley went up even though he had full blown “food poisoning” and to be assisted on and off the stage, which you can see on Howard TV On Demand right now. This weekend we headed to Tempe, Arizona. Me and Beet took a flight together, for some reason he always gets the window seat and I get the middle seat, so I trick him and tell him the A seat is in the middle and the B seat is the window. He looked at me and said, “I know that, mother fucker”.

He can eat a lot, before we got on the plane we both had a double cheeseburger, fries and a soda then we went to wait for the plane and he got up and got BBQ ribs from the Chinese place at Newark, ate all of that and on the plane he ate the dinner Continental served. For a man that’s only 3 feet tall and only has 4 teeth, he sure can eat a lot. We headed to the show on Friday and my tooth was really fucked up, the pain was unbearable. I took at Motrin 800 and nothing was working so I had a few beers, did the show, went back to my room and jerked off until I fell asleep.

Then Saturday Beetle went out with our promoter Sequoia to hand out show fliers. Beet came back with a big garbage bag wrapped around his arm, it looked like someone tried to throw him out. Then he told us he got a tattoo on the inside of his forearm of Howard Stern, it looks really great but we told him that Howard isn’t black. Beet said, “He’s not black, I’m not black I’m Italian, I’m tan mother fucker”. So we finished up the shows there and headed home, we had a 6 AM flight on Sunday. Beetle came down at 4 AM and asked why we had to leave so early. I told him our plane leaves at 6 and he said it was already 8:30. I knew this was a no win situation so we just got in the cab and headed to the airport.

After dropping Beet off, I headed to the city to do Miserable Men on H101 and welcomed our new sponsor, HotMovies.com, they now sponsor Bob’s News on the show. We will be filling in for Ferrall this Thursday from 8-12 on Howard 101, so don’t forget to check it out.

Also, the new episode of our original series “The Promotor” is up. Check it out for some great behind the scenes footage of us on the road.

See you all next week, have fun fuckers.

-The Reverend Bob Levy

You can get more of the Rev Bob every Sunday night at 7:00 pm on his radio show Miserable Men, Sirius Satellite Radio - Howard 101.

Yesterday was a mess, sorry I had to bail on you guys. Hope you enjoyed the first episode of The Promoter.

Well, I finally got my front tooth fixed, thank God. I looked like a sexually frustrated pervert for a week and the dentist built me a new tooth in less than an hour. I was so happy I almost came in my pants. Going to the dentist aint so bad when you get the gas and a hand job.

Me and the Kings of Comedy were in Baltimore Friday for 2 shows. On the first show some chic made out with Beetle Juice it was great, the crowd went nuts and me and Shuli almost threw up.

Next day we were in Pitman, NJ. It’s a dry town, no booze at all. Driving around I saw nothing but reasons to drink. It’s like a city out of the Depression. Their were homeless people and tumble weeds everywhere. The theater was great though, acts like Abbott and Costello played there and now us scum bags filled the place. Despite the lack of liquor we had a great show, we couldn’t get a chic to come up for Beetle to eat her ass so Sal the Stockbroker came running out with blue cheese in his ass and chased Beetle Juice around the stage.

Sunday was my son’s 9th birthday and it was gonna be the first time my fiancee met my ex-wife. They greeted each other like boxers, said hello and backed up to their corners. There’s an equal chance that either on might throw the first punch so I tried to position myself between the two all day. It was a little weird but everyone played nice and my son had a ball.

Then I was off to New York for Miserable Men and right back home to do Kidd Chris on Monday. We premiered another woman beating song parody. The Philly audience loves it, go figure. I’m fucking drained now. Gotta hit the dentist again and see what else has to be done to this goofy tooth. I’ve got a gig in Florida on Thursday that I don’t even wanna think about yet and then my comedy club with Shuli and Riley Martin this weekend. Then Miserable Men again next Sunday from 7-9 before we take over Mondays Scott Ferrall from 8-12 while he’s on vacation. (Damn, I could use a vacation myself.) I also was contacted to do Celebrity Boxing, more on that later.

Now, I gotta go talk to my downstairs neighbor. There’s been some friction since I moved in. So, if you catch my ugly mug in the news papers tomorrow then you’ve got the inside scoop on why I’m in jail.

See ya next week, kids, I need a fucking nap

-The Reverend Bob Levy

You can get more of the Rev Bob every Sunday night at 7:00 pm on his radio show Miserable Men, Sirius Satellite Radio - Howard 101.

Sorry, Kids, I’m really busy again this week.

In the mean time check out my new idea for a tv show - The Promoter. Staring me, Beetle Juice, the Iron Sheik and some guy from LA whose job it is to make us happy. We’re trying to get it picked up right now, let us know what you think.

Visit the Killers of Comedy YouTube for more great clips of me and the guys being hi-fucking-larious.

-The Reverend Bob Levy

You can get more of the Rev Bob every Sunday night at 7:00 pm on his radio show Miserable Men, Sirius Satellite Radio - Howard 101.

I missed you guys last week. That’s bullshit - I was all over the country having the time of my life.

Last Monday and Tuesday I was guest hosting for Ferrall on Howard 101. I was going to be in New York anyway, sitting in on Stern, so me and the guys from Miserable Men lept at the chance to prove ourselves in a four hour prime time slot.

So, after doing our two hour show on Sunday I came back to Philly, spent Monday with my son, grabbed my fiancee, Christine, and headed back to the hotel in NYC. Tuesday morning we did Stern - they brought Christine on and quizzed me on how well I knew her and her family. Since we’re getting married I guess everyone in the studio thought it would be nice to start a fight between us. I got 4 out of 7 which is better than half bad. Unfortunately I got her eye color wrong. I was honest though, I spend all my time staring at her ass I have no idea what her eyes look like.

After the show we headed to the Wrap Up Show with John and Gary then back to the hotel for a nap before we had to do Miserable Men from 8-12 that night. I’m very pleased, we killed both nights and the phones were lit up the whole time. Like I told the guys before, this is the major league, this is our chance and if we fuck up, we don’t belong there. Everything went off without a hitch, though. We have a strong team and the future looks bright. Ferall is an awesome guy for letting us cover for him.

Went home Wednesday, high on life cause I’m clean otherwise, and squeezed in quality time with my boy watching scary movies.

Thursday I had to pick up Beetlejuice and fly out to Washington for shows. While on the plane they gave us crackers and I bit into the bag to open it and my front cap split in half. So I took it and put in my pill bottle, thank God I didn’t try to swallow it.

I was flipping out because I couldn’t go on stage like that, we tried to find a Dentist the next morning but couldn’t get in. The promoter went out and came back with Polident and I screamed at him that it was for old people and to get the fuck out of my room. It wouldn’t hold the tooth in place and I was afraid the tooth would fall out while I was eating ass on stage, there’s nothing more embarrassing than losing your tooth in a fat chick’s ass. So I sent him out to buy Crazy Glue, the glue held the tooth for 4 hours before it fell off again, so I had to run up to the dressing room before the show and glue it in place again, I almost glued my finger to my mouth.

Seattle and Portland were a blast. The fans out there are phenomenal. When I did the blue cheese bit in Portland 3 girls came up, one had to almost be hoisted up by a crane she was so big. When she came up I told Beetle that she was his but Shuli kept trying to push in front.

All in all it was a great time, we flew home Sunday morning and went to straight to Miserable Men, again that night. I had to host the show because Shuli stayed out in Portland, I’m not sure if he was visiting his family or if that fat chick ate him.

Monday morning set the alarm for 5:15 AM to do Kidd Chris, but we overslept and my fiance woke me up at 7 AM. I finally have a few days off and I’ll be seeing the Dentist before my shows this weekend in Baltimore and Pittman, NJ.

Tip of the week- If you’re a fat chick and your boyfriend doesn’t eat your ass, please don’t think I want to eat it. Stay in the audience or by the concession stand where you belong and let the hot chicks come on stage.

-The Reverend Bob Levy

You can get more of the Rev Bob every Sunday night at 7:00 pm on his radio show Miserable Men, Sirius Satellite Radio - Howard 101.

I meet assholes everywhere I go.

I moved out of my ex-wife’s house this week. It was supposed to be a joyous event. Christine, my soon-to-be wife, helped me pack up all of my Earthly possessions and load them into the car. I’m not gonna lie, it was a little depressing to learn everything I own easily fits into four duffel bags stacked neatly into the back seat of my car. Living this long you’d think I’d need to make at least two trips.

When the big day arrived Christine and I woke up early so we could pick up the keys and get the movers - well - moving. The lady at the Realtor’s made everything run real smooth for me and rushed the my paper work on the spot. I’m thinking, “lucky me.” She said she was a big fan so I ate her ass after I signed the lease.

Then we get to our new place to find Christine’s furniture out on the sidewalk and the movers standing around diddling themselves. Some maintenance guy with a missing a tooth told us we couldn’t move in till the inspector comes.

“That woman whose ass I ate out said we could move in right now.”

“I didn’t hear nothing about nobody. You’re going to have to leave your shit on out here.”

Thanks a lot, asshole.

So, we waited outside in the cold untill this lazy cunt finally showed up a hour and a half later. She had a look on her face like she just tasted her own stinky twat and after 5 minutes of pretending to inspect shit she let us bring our stuff in.

Then yesterday my son came over to meet Christine for the first time, we were both nervous but it went great. Everybody played nice except for the fucking neighbor. We’re hanging out having a great time doing nothing in particular when the guy downstairs came up and knocked on the door. He said I’m blah blah blah from downstairs it sounds like you people are coming through the ceiling!

I had to do a double take; I don’t run for shit and there’s no fatties in here. I was like we were just walking around, buddy. I didn’t know what the fuck he heard but I said sorry about that. Of course he’s not going to let it out of his teeth. I seen him when I went to pick up the mail today and he had to drop comments.

It’s like here we go again. I’m a magnet for crappy neighbors. I don’t know if he’s the king dick yet but if he is I will put that fucker in his place if I have to. I would love for him to start some shit - I’ll make his life as miserable as mine.

Can’t let all the haters get me down, though, got a busy week coming up. I gotta head to Sirius in NYC to host a special that’s gonna air during an upcoming vacation for the Stern Show and tape something for Howard TV. Meanwhile, I’m getting up at 5:30 am everyday to produce gold for the Kidd Chris Show. Then, tomorrow, rush home for bowling with my son (not an asshole) and dinner with Brad the Cripple (total asshole).

The faces and places change but the assholes are all the same.

-The Reverend Bob Levy

You can get more of the Rev Bob every Sunday night at 7:00 pm on his radio show Miserable Men, Sirius Satellite Radio - Howard 101.

Everything is coming up Bob Levy.

I was up early ass ball all this week writing for The Kidd Chris Show which just moved to mornings. If you haven’t heard the show you’re missing out on some good shit. Aside from the usual retards and ball busters we’re got all new bits; people really dig “Kidd Chris Unplugged.”

This week also marks the last week I’ll be living in my ex-wife’s basement. I’m moving out this Thursday to my new place with my fiancée, Chrissy. I must be the only dick head that goes from a house to an apartment. The whole thing is sad and exciting. Sad because, well, this is my house god damn it and exciting cause the future looks bright for once.

For instance; everything is tops at the Comedy Club. We’ve got some big acts coming through, in fact Artie Lange’s shows are already sold out. If you get a chance to come by you’ll love it, it’s a fucking party there every week. Thank god I’m not drinking anymore because I would probably die there.

Joe Fernandes and my old buddy Geno Bisconte came by this weekend. We had a great time with great crowds and then after we karaoke at the bar. A few of the waitresses jumped up on the tables and started dancing and giving out shots and the place went nuts. Lotta ugly comedians at my club but we’ve got the hottest waitresses. And hot chicks dancing on tables gets other hot chicks all wild and then they jump up and start dancing on tables. Everyone had a blast, it was a wild night.

So wild that when I got back to the hotel I figured I could use a little manual release (thank you, HotMovies) and shot a huge load on the rug of my room. I had to rub it in with my boot, it was so big it looked like someone spilled a bottle of milk on the floor. I ended up leaving the maid 10 bucks cause I felt bad. She was gonna have to put a considerable amount of effort into cleaning my kids off the rug.

We got some good news over at Miserable Men this week when Colin Quinn and Jim Florentine called in. Jim might be back full time with us soon. This Sunday we’ll be on 4-6 est time to do a pre-Super Bowl show.

But the biggest “w” in the Levy column is that I kicked the Xanax; trying to get my shit together and feel better. I’m still on Clonazepam for 30 days and then I go dry.

Next time we talk I might finally have my head on straight.

Go Giants.

-The Reverend Bob Levy

You can get more of the Rev Bob every Sunday night at 7:00 pm on his radio show Miserable Men, Sirius Satellite Radio - Howard 101.

So, the AVNs were a bust and I came home with no wins. To avoid facing the shame of another terrible failure; I buried myself in work. In other words, baby sitting a bunch of grown ass men with social diseases. Two shows in Virginia and then two more nights at my club in Levittown, Pa.

Friday morning I met up with Beetlejuice at 8 am, he was in a great mood grabbing his manager Michelle’s ass and laughing as he gets in my car. He said he needed to go to the store for some smokes. So I told him to get me 2 packs of Marlboro Lights and he’s all, “OK, you got it, my man, I’ll take care of it.” He comes back and hands me 3 packs of Pall Mall 100’s with a lighter stuck to it. I said, “What the fuck is that? What happened to the Marlboro Lights?” Whatever, at least he’s not rubbing my ass and giggling.

We grab the Great Iron Shiek on our way passed Philly International and then we were off to Virginia. It was literally 3 hours of Beetle telling us how his wife likes when he sticks his whole hand in her ass. Yeah, she loves it, she must because he only stopped talking about it long enough to tell us all how the White House isn’t really in DC as we were passing through.

Finally we got to the hotel and by this point I really needed to get away from Beetle. So I went outside for a smoke but he followed and I noticed there was a pool. It was icey, dusted in snow and covered with some beat up tarp. I looked at Beetle and asked him if he wanted to go swimming - “Sure. I got no shorts. You got a pair for me?” I told him to ask the lady at the desk. She told him to come back in June and Beetle says ok I think I’m gonna be around here then.

Before the shows I pretended to go to sleep so I could be by myself for a minute. A week ago I was in Vegas eating wings out of some of the hottest asses in porn. The crowds in Virginia were great, don’t get me wrong, it’s funny what goes on week to week is all.

The next morning we got up and headed to my club. It was me, the sheik, Beetle and Shuli. Beetle taught us how to play poker. I didn’t know a flush beats a flush flush and to get a flush all you need is a king but Beetle says he’s a Poker World Series Champ and I believe him.

I showed the boys around my club, they were very impressed. We had a nice lunch and Beetle folded t-shirts we sell at the shows, guy must’ve worked in a sweat shop cause he’s good. I’d like to send him to Malaysia to sew soccer balls. He’d be some kind of all-star over there with his tiny fingers.

So, I figured a way to get Beetle not to drink anymore at the shows because last time he was drunk he tried to kill Sal the Stockbroker. I told beetle let’s make a bet, I’ll give you 100 bucks if you don’t drink tonight.

“You’re on, I don’t drink I get a dollar.”

“No, Beetle, a 100 dollars.”

“You’re on, mother fucker.”

So, we had 2 kickass shows and sung karaoke with the fans after. I gave Beetle the $100 that I’m gonna lose to him at every gig now. It’s better than being called an asshole by a drunk, 3 foot, black midget. Beetle is the best, if you get a chance go on his website and hire him for a private event - you will remember it for life.

Listen to Miserable Men this Sunday with our new co- host Al Rosenberg, along with Shuli. See ya next week, I’m gonna host the shows at my club this weekend and then next week move into my new place with my fiancee, details to come…

Later, fuckers.

-The Reverend Bob Levy

You can get more of the Rev Bob every Sunday night at 7:00 pm on his radio show Miserable Men, Sirius Satellite Radio - Howard 101.

Well, it’s a new year and I’m just getting back from the AVN Awards in Vegas with some of the guy from Stern; Artie Lange, Richard Christy, Benji Bronk and the guys from Howard TV. I got in Thursday morning and headed to the Luxor Hotel where Jeff Beacher got me and my fiance a room. The room was huge; he got us one off the biggest suites there - size of a house.

So, the next morning we hit breakfast and gambled a little. Well, Chrissy played craps, I didn’t know how the fuck to play that game so I just watched and diddled myself… like most of the activities we enjoy together. She lost a few bucks but won it all back when I wasn’t around, I guess my bad luck is contagious.

Jeff threw us an engagement party at the Cathouse Restaurant in the Luxor with the whole gang. We had a great dinner, Pauly Shore showed up along with Robin Leach. After that we hit some bar in the hotel called Liquidity in the same casino - fancy shit. The people that run the Luxor made a huge cake for us and we hung there for a while before going to the Penthouse Club. Chrissy really wasn’t into going to a strip club but she’s a trooper and went anyway.

But it can’t all be fun and games; next day me and Yucko hit the convention floor before the AVN awards and met up with Howard TV. The convention was packed with porn stars, I haven’t seen that much pussy since my grandmother went senile. We went to a booth that had a riding bull and they got Benji to ride it in his underwear with 2 gay porn stars. I can’t wait to see it on Howard TV. Benji was so gay about it he made the other two guys uncomfortable. Later on we ran into Tommy Gunn and Kimberly Kane who starred in my movie along with co-writer Dan Davis.

By then it was time for the AVN’s. We headed into the event, did a few interviews and sat down in the 3rd row. The show started late but Greg Fitzsimmons came out and did a great 15 minute bit on the awards. My movie was up for Best Comedy and I was up for Best Non Sex Actor and Savanna was up for Best Actress and Best 3-Way along with Evan Stone and Kimberly Kane.

The only thing I left with was my dick in my hand. My movie won nothing, it was a little disappointing. I look at it this way; if I had won it would have looked funny walking through the airport with a huge golden cock trophy.

All in all it was a great weekend, a lot of fun and a lot laughs. I would like to thank Jeff Beacher, Dan the Song Parody Man and The Luxor for everything they did for us. I had a great time. Also I really wanna thank Vivid and AVN for a great show and a great experience on Stood Up.

-The Reverend Bob Levy

You can get more of the Rev Bob every Sunday night at 7:00 pm on his radio show Miserable Men, Sirius Satellite Radio - Howard 101.